Tomorrow is the day, the day I officially become a cancer patient. The day poison will be dripped into my veins to kill an invader I didn't ask for. I will put on my brave face and walk in ready to beat this because the alternative is so much worse. But right now, I just want to hide.
Tomorrow is the day I will nurse my sweet baby for the last time, which I've been doing for more than 400 days. Both a blessing and a curse, my breasts serving a functional and an emotional purpose, while being the very enemy that put us in this position.
I don't have any motivating quotes or funny jokes. No light hearted pictures or goofy cartoons. Just me and my raw emotion, counting down the minutes until tomorrow morning when everything changes. Wishing time would slow down yet speed up all at the same time. Prayers are welcome, we are going to need them...
I have been thinking about you and your posts all day, and keep coming back to the reality that this morning was the last time you would ever be able to nurse your sweet baby, Evelyn. How hard it must have been to let go. It reminds me of something I read years ago: the most painful tears are not those that fall from the eyes and cover the face. They are the ones that fall from the heart and cover the soul. I know your tears this morning were the latter, Lindsay. I am just so sorry this is happening to you. Sending all my love to you all. God's blessings to you.
ReplyDelete