Pity Party for 1

Well friends, it was only time before today happened. I have arrived at my pity party. As I am not one to sugar coat this journey, I'm going to be real.

I'm tired of having cancer.

I'm tired. I'm nauseous. I'm hot (one of the side effects of chemo is low grade temp) but my head gets cold easy. I have this constant unsettled feeling. I need to buy new bras because I have very few non-nursing bras, but why bother when I'll have different boobs in 3 months. My skin is dry but lotion feels weird on my skin.

I got in the shower today and had nothing to do. So I just stood there. No hair to wash. No hair to shave. I did use soap (just in case you were wondering) but then I just stood there. Thinking about how this sucks. And I don't want cancer. I want my normal life back.

Now, let me be clear, I'm not "giving up the fight" or wishing my life away, I very much want to live and be around to watch our girls grow. But chemo sucks and I don't want to do it any more. But the alternative is worse. So where does that leave us? At the Pity Party.


1 more cycle of AC next Monday and then on to Taxol. One day at a time.

Specific prayer requests: strength in this fight for me and patience with the girls when they need my attention. 

4 comments :

  1. UnknownSeptember 12, 2016 at 6:50 PM

    Oh Lindsay my heart is breaking for you! So many prayers are being said that this time will pass quickly and that you will be beyond it before you know it. Just remember, Phillipians 4:13, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'. God is always by your side giving you strength so you got this! Never forget that! But every once in awhile a quick pity party is warranted! Hugs! ~ Melissa

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  2. Lores Vlaminck, RN, BSN, MA, CHPNSeptember 12, 2016 at 7:04 PM

    First of all... thanks for being real. Feelings are just what they are.. they are raw and emotional. Please know you are loved (but you already know that)... and if I could take the next chemo run for you... I would do it. Love you Lindsay.

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  3. UnknownSeptember 12, 2016 at 8:04 PM

    Lindsay, You are bringing back memories. I feel for you! Try lemon drops. They helped me especially when nothing tasted good. Hang in there! You will succeed just keep thinking about your girls.

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  4. UnknownSeptember 12, 2016 at 8:05 PM

    Lindsay, You are bringing back memories. I feel for you! Try lemon drops. They helped me especially when nothing tasted good. Hang in there! You will succeed just keep thinking about your girls.

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