Having two girls, I assumed we would bypass the bathroom humor. Oh man was I wrong, Kate cracks up over "poopie" or "tootie" with the best of them. And while I try to encourage her to reserve using potty words only in the bathroom, it was only a matter of time before Evelyn joined the club.

On the way home from school yesterday, Kate and Evelyn were cracking each other up making "toot noises" the whole way home. And now, this has become Evelyn's favorite new trick.

Tonight, she sucked me into it as well, because really, toot noises are never not funny, even as an adult. So for a little midweek humor, watch and enjoy...

Happy hump day friends, we are over half way there...

Pity Party for 1

Well friends, it was only time before today happened. I have arrived at my pity party. As I am not one to sugar coat this journey, I'm going to be real.

I'm tired of having cancer.

I'm tired. I'm nauseous. I'm hot (one of the side effects of chemo is low grade temp) but my head gets cold easy. I have this constant unsettled feeling. I need to buy new bras because I have very few non-nursing bras, but why bother when I'll have different boobs in 3 months. My skin is dry but lotion feels weird on my skin.

I got in the shower today and had nothing to do. So I just stood there. No hair to wash. No hair to shave. I did use soap (just in case you were wondering) but then I just stood there. Thinking about how this sucks. And I don't want cancer. I want my normal life back.

Now, let me be clear, I'm not "giving up the fight" or wishing my life away, I very much want to live and be around to watch our girls grow. But chemo sucks and I don't want to do it any more. But the alternative is worse. So where does that leave us? At the Pity Party.

1 more cycle of AC next Monday and then on to Taxol. One day at a time.

Specific prayer requests: strength in this fight for me and patience with the girls when they need my attention. 

Go shawty, it's your birthday

Nothing better than a bald lady in a party hat

Saturday marked my first day of my 34th year on this planet and it was a pretty great one. Although I didn't get to sleep in, I was woken by Kate saying "Happy birthday mama!!" which was a pretty sweet way to wake up.

Shortly after, Mom and I took Evelyn and went grocery shopping (exciting, I know) and then got back in time for Mitch and I to go to a local spa and get a couples massage. He had told me a few weeks prior that he had never had a professional massage, so I figured I would bring him along for the ride!

The massage was wonderful, very relaxing, I almost feel asleep at one point but woke myself up because I wasn't paying to sleep! Mitch said he enjoyed it and would do it again for a special occasion.

We then walked through the mall a bit and finished up at Buffalo Wild Wings for an early dinner, only to be surprised to find out someone covered our bill! We don't know who this generous stranger was but we both agreed that we wanted to return the favor some day.

Once we got home, we had cake and singing and candles and party hats like any good birthday should. Even Ollie got to participate!

In the end, it was a pretty good birthday, to all of you that wished me a happy birthday through the mail, text, phone call or facebook post, thank you! I felt very loved!

Next post will be all about cycle 3, so far this cycle has been a bit tougher than the last 2, lets hope its short lived!

State of the Union

Well friends, please accept my sincerest apologies for my lack of blogging the last two weeks, last week I was pretty run down from my second chemo cycle and this week I returned to work full time so by the time the girls were in bed, mama was tired!

So with that out of the way, we have a lot of catching up to do. So I figure I would host a state of the union post of sorts, ultimately giving an update on all things cancer and life and work and play. So get comfortable, we have some catching up to do!

Chemo cycle 2 was last Monday, the same day as my last post. It was pretty uneventful and almost identical to the first cycle in side effects and reactions. One rockstar addition was these amazing unicorn kitten rainbow socks from my great friend Jen. It doesn't get much better than a kitten sitting on clouds with angel wings, a unicorn horn and a rainbow. I'm told they came from target. #youarewelcome


Also, this is Wrigley. She was visiting all the patients while I was there and she is literally the dog we thought we were getting when we got Ollie. She is sweet, mellow, knee height and does not eat things she should not, you know, the things everyone looks for in a dog.

I also confidently rocked the buzz cut, cuz if you are going to fit in anywhere looking like GI Jane, its going to be at the cancer center. Wrapped in a handmade blanket from my Grandma, it had to be a good day.

My next cycle starts Tuesday since Monday is a holiday. I'm told the Tuesday after a holiday is b-a-n-a-n-a-s because all the Monday and the Tuesday patients come for treatment. Maybe I'll make the nurses some cookies. We like cookies.

Side effect update: This is best done in bulleted form.
  • Appetite- was about the same from cycle 1 to cycle 2, the steroids make me hungry so the first week I found myself with a decent appetite. We were shipped 6 frozen Giordonnos pizzas (and we still don't know who sent them, reveal yourself pizza angel!) and it was DELICIOUS and actually tasted like pizza. Which brings me to...

  • Taste bud change/dry mouth- this is pretty awful, tolerable, but awful. For days 3-6, everything tastes like its coated in chalk and my mouth is like the Sahara. That is what made the pizza so delicious- I ate it during the peak of taste bud transition and the tomato sauce tasted like tomato sauce, the snozberries tasted like snozberries (RIP Gene Wilder). Another good friend of mine sent me Biotene mouthwash which has also helped with the dry mouth. 

  • Nausea- again, this has been pretty manageable with the right medications. I did notice a little more nausea this cycle but I cut back on one of my medications so I'm going to see if it happens again this next cycle. I think this has to be the symptom I was worried the most about as I tend to be a puker (2 pregnancies were brutal!) and I can say that I have been pleasantly surprised how manageable it has been.
  • Fatigue- this was a different experience for round 2. My nurse practitioner told me that most of the side effects from cycle to cycle will stay the same but fatigue will increase with each cycle and she was right. Last week I managed to work Tuesday and Wednesday but by Thursday I was just wiped. This continued until Monday. This is also when mom went back to Georgia so the timing wasn't ideal. I do worry what this next cycle has in store for me...
  • Hair loss- I have seen the most progression with this symptom and it has been the most frustrating as well. As you know, I shaved my head once I started losing large clumps of hair. Once it was short, I continued to lose hair whenever I would touch my head however this did not occur in any orderly fashion or pattern, which leads me with a awkward progression of turning into Benjamin Button. 
    Just a reminder, this is my freshly shaved hairy head for reference

This is a week later as random patches began to fall out, with others remaining firmly affixed

And now, its like I am wearing a hairy yarmulke
So desperate times call for desperate measures. I am so desperate to get this hair off of my head, not only because of the less than ideal aesthetics, but also, it HURTS. The best way to describe it is the hair that is left on my head feels like little fiberglass slivers in my head, especially when it is brushed against the growth of the hair. I'm over it. I want it out.

I contemplated waxing it, but that seemed painful and messy. I also thought about shaving it, but I'm sure I would cut my head and that would suck. So the next best thing....


Or just use the whole sheet without the roller. 

Unfortunately, my yarmulke is staying put for now. Maybe after my 3rd cycle these holdouts will finally throw in the towel and I can get a smooth, shiny head Mr. Clean style. Until then, I guess I'll keep complaining.

Well friends, I hope this gave you an update on how I am doing, I could write about a million other things, but its 10 pm and time for bed. Tomorrow morning I will wake up another year older and another year closer to 40, which is somewhat terrifying. But 33 has been a challenging year so lets hope 34 has a few tricks up its sleeve. I promise I won't be a stranger and I'll keep the posts coming. Happy weekend everyone!